How can I direct your call?

One thing that will never cease to amaze me in retail is the number of phone calls I receive both before opening and after closing. Over 95% of these calls can be broken down into two categories: "What time do you open?" and "What time do you close?" Now this may seem trite to those of you who are not in the retail industry, but to those of us who are, this is a very real epidemic. Now, I wouldn't mind giving a simple answer to a simple question, but, once again, people feel the need to talk to you when they have you on the phone. Not satisfied with a time, and unlike cats, they must fill the awkward silence because they just don't understand that I don't want to hear what they have to say. Granted, if you have a legitimate question like "Do you have..." I'm happy to oblige. It's the inane ramblings that go along with the time question. We can break this down into two scenarios: the opening question and the closing question.

Many people do not understand that opening or closing a major retail center is nothing like they have seen on TV. There is a lot that goes into it. There is the counting of money, the prepping of cash drawers, morning reports about the previous day's sales, closing reports about the current day's sales, payroll, working freight, receiving new freight, signing, pricing, etc., etc., etc. However, there is a large number of people who think that opening a store is as simple as changing the "closed" sign to "open". VIOLA! we're open! In retail, a day will start at 7am or earlier. Many times, I have worked in a store at 5am. The phone will ring and I will answer with the proper phone etiquette. Then the opening question comes:

Her: "Oh, you're open already?"

Me: "No, ma'am, we open at 9." (mind you, it's 5:17am)

Her: "Then why are you there now?" (I'm preparing to shoot myself for answering the phone)

Me: "Well, there's a lot to do before we open. What can I help you with?"

Her: "Well, I was looking for a product you sell." (sure, what else would you be doing at 5am)

Me: "What item was it?"

Her: "You're not open now?" (no, we're still closed)

Me: "No, ma'am, we open at 9. What item was it?"

Her: "Well, I needed it right away. What time do you open?"

Me: "We open at 9. What item is it?" (like I really care at this point)

Her: "You open at 9 in the morning?" (no, at night. it's a new thing we're trying)

Me: "Yes, ma'am."

Her: "I'll call back then. Should I ask for you?"

The closing questions are the same type but in reverse. These people usually needed something but just could not find the time in the 12 hours we were open to amble on in and get what they needed. The same people who thought it was that easy to open the store are amazed that you just can't stop what you were doing when it came time to close and help them with their problem. In fact, they get downright aggressive when you tell them that you are closed. Just as a day starts at 7am, closing the store is a 9pm chore. Lock the doors and begin to close everything down. Count the money, wash the floors, clean the aisles, run the reports. The same thing as before. If the door closed around 9pm (but it very seldom closes then because someone felt they were entitled to stay in your building after you closed it, because, hey, you're still there so why can't they stay, right?) the first phone call comes in at about 9:35. Answering the phone with proper etiquette, you are greeted with the closing question:

Him: "What time do you close?"

Me: "We closed at 9."

Him "What time is it now?" (what the hell? did I say my name was Timex?)

Me: "Its about 9:30."

Him: "And you're closed?" (now you're gettin' it)

Me: "Yes, what can I help you with?"

Him: "Didn't you used to be open later? Doesn't matter, I need an item..." (oh please, tell me)

Because, why shouldn't you stop everything you're doing just to help. I foresee a future where everything is open 24 hours a day. Nothing will ever close because everything will always be open. Nights, weekends, holidays...OPEN. But that phone will still ring. It will ring and I will answer. And someone at the other end will say: "Oh, you're open now?"