Why I work in retail

Many people subscribe to the phrase, "The customer is always right." What's wrong with that statement? One word..."customer". The word should be "money." As in, "You're wrong as fuck, but I still want your money so I am willing to acquiesse so you can feel right and I can get your money." But since that phrase is too long, those of us in the industry changed it to, "The customer is always right." It sounds alot like whoring out your moral standards because that's exactly what it is. Our job is to separate you from as much of your wallet as you came in with. You see, we work in a business that is based on the exchange of money in return for goods and services. If I refuse the goods and services, I don't get the money. If I don't get the money, the company goes broke. If the company goes broke, I lose my job. If I lose my job, I don't get paid any money. If I don't get paid any money, I can't get goods and services. If I can't appropriate goods and services, that guy can'get money. If he can't get money, his company goes broke. And I don't want to feel responsible for an entire economic collapse because old lady sonofabitch forgot het coupon and won't buy this $4 item without one and I refused to give it to her. Let's face it; it's a slippery slope. I've worked in lots of different retail establishments in my career and I have heard many different things. Some of the best come from old people. Ahhhh...old people. The pillars of wisdom that hold society together. Or so they think, and if you don't believe me just ask them, they'll tell you why everything is your fault because they're five days younger than dirt. They veil it under this guise that they just want to make conversation, but they don't. They simply want to complain to someone who can't walk away from them or tell them to shove their complaint up their ass sideways. So where do they feel the best place to complain is? That's right...your local supermarket, department store, mini mart, wherever there is someone behind a counter that can't get away because they are chained to it with that motto of "The customer is always right." I will now relate a story that begs my point. A lady, roughly 127 years old, comes up to me and asks if I am the manager of the store:

Me: Yes, I am

Her: You are, but you're so young (I'm 41 but compared to 127 I am just a tot)

Me: Thank you , but yes I am the manager. Can I help you?

Her: I can't believe you run this big store at your age.

Me: I do. Can I help you? (my name gets paged over the intercom)

Her: There must be lots to do. (and you're keeping me from all of them)

Me: I keep busy. Can I help you? (my name gets paged again)

Her: Is that you they're calling? (yep, but you keep going this is so much more fun)

Me: Yes, if you give me just a moment I'll be right back.

Her: Typical young person, always in a hurry. I'll ask an older person maybe they can help me.

Me: I'd be happy to help you but you haven't told me what you need. (my name is paged again)

Her: It's so hot in here. It was never this hot before. (what the fuck? where did this come from?)

Me: I'm sorry about that, what did you need, though?

Her: It was never this hot back in the 30's. All the young people running around like they're in a big hurry. (this is clearly aimed at me)

Me: I'm sorry, Miss. What can I help you to find?

Her: You know what, it wasn't in this store. I'm sorry to bother you.

Twenty minutes of my life gone...

I went on my way, missed a phone call from my boss and shook my head wondering how it was cooler back in the 30's. But since I wasn't there, I'll have to take Methusala's word on it. After all, she probably remembers when the rainbow was in black and white. As I walked around my store, I met up with her once more. I smiled and nodded as she looked at me and said, "Excuse me, do you work here?"

And that, boys and girls, is why I work in retail.