Thinks I've Thought

Since I am sick as a dog today I thought I'd share this: "Sick as a dog," which means "extremely sick" and dates back to at least the 17th century, is also not so much negative as it is simply descriptive. Anyone who knows dogs knows that while they can and often will eat absolutely anything, on those occasions when their diet disagrees with them the results can be quite dramatic. And while Americ...ans may consider themselves "sick" when they have a bad cold, in Britain that would be called "feeling ill." "Being sick" in England usually means "to vomit." So to really appreciate the original sense of "sick as a dog," imagine yourself seated in the parlor having tea with the Vicar on a lovely Sunday afternoon, when Fido staggers in from a meal of sun-dried woodchuck and expresses his unease all over your heirloom oriental carpet. It's actually rather amazing that goldfish aren't more popular. But then again, a goldfish can't lick it's own junk and dogs can. That's probably why they're sick.

So now that I'm feverish and ranked on dogs, let me talk about cats. A group of cats is called a "clowder" or a "glaring". A male cat is a "tom" but when he's been neutered, he's called a "gib." My cat is glaring at me right now. Maybe because he's a gib. Or that he feels I owe him money. If anyone owes money its him. $135 to get a cat neutered. Couldn't I just change his name to Gib and hope he doesn't know the difference. That would cost a lot less. Why it's called a clowder I don't know. I groups of crows is called a murder, but I'm about to be sick.

As for why we call a group of crows a “murder,” the inspiration for the term is a mystery, lost since the 15th century. As the Oxford English Dictionary suggests, “murder” may “perhaps [allude] to the crow’s traditional association with violent death, or … to its harsh and raucous cry.” Then again, since crows have recently been demonstrated to be capable of advanced reasoning and even tool-maki...ng, maybe they actually did plot a few murders back in the 15th century. Crows have been known to kill a dying member of their group. This could also be the basis for the name. However, only poets call them a murder. Scientists would refer to them as a flock. A group of foxes is called a leash. I once knew a fox with one white ear named Alex. I never learned the name of the other ear, but I digress.

Another name for a group of foxes is a skulk. To skulk means to lurk about sneakily for some sinister purpose. Maybe the foxes should be a murder. A group of foxes is at least 4 members. Opposed to a group of baboons which minimally consists of 6. A group of baboons is called a Congress. I bet you know where this is going...but you'd be wrong. I have no quibbles with Congress. The politicians or the baboons. And I am not, as my wife would have you believe, in the throws of a mad cow disease induced rant. I merely like words and their alternate meanings. For example, the sinister skulk of foxes might not be evil but rather left handed. But then they'd be gauche. Only in France though. They could get there on a boat, starboard side of course. Which is also the left side. But wouldn't all those foxes have to go to the poop deck at some point?

Because then they would be in the aft end or stern of the boat where they would feel more secure. You see foxes are rarely at sea and are prone to sea sickness. And you wouldn't want a fox to be sick as s dog would you? I suppose they could count the seabirds. A group of pelicans is called a scoop. Maybe the skulk could view the scoop from the poop and then inform congress about the murder that was glaring.

Or words to that effect...