Cats are nothing shy of the perfect animal. At least in a social aspect. They let you know when they've had enough attention. They thank you when you bring them food. They leave the room to do their business. And my most favorite thing about cats, they have no opposition towards awkward silence. In fact, they revel in it. A cat will sit and stare at you like you owe it money. No whining, no whimpering, just sit and stare. I wish cats could replace people. I at least hope people could be more like cats. There is nothing worse than someone coming up to you and feeling forced to speak to you. Don't speak to me, because I don't want to speak to you. Not someone I already know of course. I mean strangers. I don't want to force conversation with someone just because I have come face to face with them. It's simply the way we are raised. Think about it. What do your parents teach you from a very early age - "Don't talk to strangers." Then, someone they know comes up to them and they command you to "Say hi." Motherfucker, you've been telling me for years not to talk to strangers and here comes this goofy-looking prick who has to be the strangest person I've ever seen. I don't wanna talk to him! At my job, I am forced to make conversation with all kinds of strange people. And they all seem to have the sae reportoire of jokes.
Her: "Can you tell me where the beach towels are?"
Me: "They're actually right behind you."
Her: "For the love of...if i was a snake it would've bit me."
Yeah good thing we don't sell snakes. Oh, that one never gets old. But you have to chuckle because its the polite thing to do. A cat would just glare at you for a moment and then walk away. That's why I like cats. They would also walk away from this old classic which someone will crack out the minute the thermometer hits 90:
"Hot enough for ya?"
No, why don't you go turn up the thermostat for me. I mean, why say something like that? Of course its hot enough, what kind of stupid question is that? Oh and, by all means, get offended when I don't answer that one. Here's a hint for next time: if you can't think of somethng original to say, keep your mouth shut. I am perfectly happy with you not saying a word to me.
Cats should run the world. In ancient Egypt they were worshiped as Gods. You know why, because those people knew cats were on to something. A cat knows its place in the world. It knows you are the bringer of food so it respects you. It also knows that it could kill you in your sleep, but it knows enough not to because it can't work the can opener. Cats control you mentally, also. You may be the bringer of food, but they decide when. Household cats exercise this control with a certain type of urgent-sounding, high-pitched meow, according to findings. This meow is actually a purr mixed with a high-pitched cry. While people usually think of cat purring as a sign of happiness, some cats make this purr-cry sound when they want to be fed. The study showed that humans find these mixed calls annoying and difficult to ignore. But if you do decide to ignore it, the cat will make you pay. Usually at the most inopportune time. You will get as far away from the cat as possible, when it will find its way onto your bed or your expensive carpet and start making that huffing sound which translates into: "I am going to puke all over this in five, four, three..." And by the time you come running to get the cat off you expensive whatever, it is covered in half-digested meow mix and hair. You yell and scream but the cat just looks at you, like you owe him money, and walks away, tail in the air. Wouldn't it be great if you could do that when someone you don't want to talk to decides they have to speak to you about everything. In mid conversation, you start choking and convulsing and then vomit all over their shoes. Then stare at them like they've done something wrong. Because they have, they decided they needed to talk to you. Silly person. When cats rule the world I'll be the first one to say I told you so. Actually, I probably won't. I'll just sit and stare at you like you owe me money. Then slowly, I'll turn, walk away, tail in the air.
I like cats.
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